You may of noticed that the next party of my story has been a long time coming. That is because I have been battling whether or not I should write it. What happens next until a few years ago is very hard for me. There are still parts I don't want to revel because of family. Also from my first every blog on here http://gerrymcgregor.blogspot.com/2011/09/irrational-feelings-of-grieving-dad.html, you will see I have not got over the death of my son 2 1/2 years ago. Can you ever get over the death of your child, even though he was 29 he will also be a child, my child, my son.
Maybe I will carry on with my childhood & teenage years and end it there, I don't know, even that will be hard. Maybe I need to tell it all to exorcise it. Maybe I am making this all bigger than it actually was and putting it down onto 'paper' will help me put it into proper context & reality.
That last paragraph has a lot of maybe's in it. Is that what I have been doing for most of my life, 'maybe if this did not happen' or 'maybe if this did happen' maybe life was different. Well it did and about 15 years of pill, 3 years of therapy in Milton Keynes has not sorted it, six months in Leicester & one year here has not yet but helped but not made me cope with life better or become the person I know that is within. The person that does appear at times. The boy who played in the back lanes of Sunderland, who climb the hills in Glenlivet, who had great student days in Aberdeen, the first years of work in London. Remembering those days as well as the unhappy days might be good for my 'soul' and help me reawaken those good thought's.
We will see.
I have decided to continue my story so please continue Part 5 Greenlaw
Maybe I will carry on with my childhood & teenage years and end it there, I don't know, even that will be hard. Maybe I need to tell it all to exorcise it. Maybe I am making this all bigger than it actually was and putting it down onto 'paper' will help me put it into proper context & reality.
That last paragraph has a lot of maybe's in it. Is that what I have been doing for most of my life, 'maybe if this did not happen' or 'maybe if this did happen' maybe life was different. Well it did and about 15 years of pill, 3 years of therapy in Milton Keynes has not sorted it, six months in Leicester & one year here has not yet but helped but not made me cope with life better or become the person I know that is within. The person that does appear at times. The boy who played in the back lanes of Sunderland, who climb the hills in Glenlivet, who had great student days in Aberdeen, the first years of work in London. Remembering those days as well as the unhappy days might be good for my 'soul' and help me reawaken those good thought's.
We will see.
I have decided to continue my story so please continue Part 5 Greenlaw
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